In Defense of Using Humor to Cope with Tragedy
The world just watched in horror as a submarine on a quest to explore the Titanic disappeared, and then imploded at the bottom of the ocean.
The vessel carried five people: British businessman Hamish Harding, Pakistani businessman Shahzada Dawood and his teenage son, Suleman, French explorer Paul-Henri Nargeolet, and Stockton Rush, CEO of OceanGate the company responsible for operating the submarine.
For days, the submarine was lost in the depths of the sea with a limited supply of oxygen. If it was not found soon, we were told, the passengers would suffocate and die.
But the search came to an end when debris spotted by the Coast Guard determined that the submarine had imploded under pressure, killing all those on board before they had a chance to realize what was happening to them.
A tragic end felt by those the men left behind and the public who saw the nightmare unfold in real time.
As it’s known to do, the internet rose to the occasion producing a slew of memes poking fun at the situation. Our feeds were bombarded with memes and jokes that some people reacted to with disgusted astonishment. How dare someone mock such a tragedy! After all, we are talking about the loss of real human life. There is, as many pointed out, absolutely nothing funny about this story.
All of these points are accurate. But in condemning the memes and jokes, the critics discount the very integral role humor plays in the resilience of the human psyche, especially in the face of great tragedy.
Too Soon?
Days after the September 11th attack, the late great comedian Gilbert Gottfried stood in front of a large crowd in New York City who had come to watch the Friars Club Roast of Hugh Hefner.
The entire world was still in shock. An attack of this magnitude had never happened on American soil. Worse still, it was televised. I was 15 at the time and the image of men and women jumping to escape the flames of the burning buildings is still seared in my memory. I remember watching the smoke clouds fill the streets of NYC as people ran for their lives to escape falling debris. Frantic family members stood behind news reporters with pictures of their missing family members hoping someone could give them proof of life.
It was beyond human comprehension. That such evil and suffering could happen before our eyes was haunting. How could we move past this?
For Gilbert, comedy was the antidote to the chaos.
During his set, he said the the audience:
“I have to leave early tonight. I have to catch a flight to California, I can’t get a direct flight. They said they have to stop at the Empire State Building first.”
No one was expecting it. The crowd was a mixture of both gasps and laughter, some nervous. One audience member even shouted, “Too soon!”
In the aftermath, he was condemned publicly by some and lauded by others, but ultimately, this moment solidified him as a comedic legend, unafraid of tapping into humor in the face of crises.
And with this bold move, he reminded us why laughter is the antidote to despair.
Laugh or Cry
The world is hard and cruel and we are often met with devastation and grief that is so severe, we feel we might be crushed under the weight of it all. How do we cope with such unfathomable horror?
Unthinkable humor helps human beings process unthinkable tragedies.
As a comedian, I use dark humor to cope with the devastation of this human existence.
I joke about suicide, eating disorders, and even children with cancer–all of which I have experienced to some extent.
The gasps from the audience are sometimes audible, but more prevalent is the laughter. Why? Because laughter is how we survive the catastrophe of life. Making light of the horrific is how we heal from the things that might destroy us otherwise.
I have been met with some criticism and some strongly-worded emails, but for the most part, I have been greeted with laughter and gratitude.
Last summer, I stood in front of a room of cancer survivors and told some of the darkest jokes I have ever written … and they loved it. When you look death in the eye, offense becomes almost trivial–dare I say, laughable. Losing a loved one can bring you to your knees, but humor, if you let it, can help you get back on your feet.
I’ve been overwhelmed by the people who have come up to me and thanked me for giving them the permission to laugh. They felt trapped by pain and grief, and stepping back and laughing at the trivial has helped them process the pain of such a sad reality.
We must laugh so we do not drown in our own tears.
We need laughter to survive the human condition. It’s not cruel, it’s not inappropriate, nor is it crude; it is necessary. Oddly enough, those making the jokes may not even realize that they do it as a coping mechanism, because the need to find humor in the horrible is so deeply ingrained in our subconscious — in the very code that makes us human.
It’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to cry. We all do what we can to get through.
Meme on, internet warriors and don’t let the haters sink your spirit ; )
